I witnessed a death earlier today. It was a woman. A mother in her forties or maybe early fifties, she wasn’t sick or in any other state, she had started the day with no inclination that something fatal was coming her way. She was just a victim of an overlooked circumstance.
How did she die? There is no nice way to put it. She was stoned to death. Literarily! A fence which had been weak finally gave way and unfortunately she was the unsuspecting victim behind it.
As I watched people amidst the wailing and chaos try to pull her blood bathed lifeless body out from the heap of concrete over her, I couldn’t help but harbour thoughts of accusation.
Everyone knew the fence was weak. It had been that way for years and the owner never bothered to fix it. Nobody knew when it would fall or in what direction, so everyone was careful (not all the time) around it, but nobody did anything about it! We all knew it would fall one day, but no one suspected the fall would happen this way. No one thought carelessness towards the feeble wall would cost a life.
But it was just a wall! A wall which was already weak by the way. How bad could the impact have been?
The wall was weak but only at the bottom. The blocks at the top were strong enough to knock someone out cold. To support the stronger more visible parts of the wall, the weak bottom needed repairs or at least a support structure.
It’s the same as our bodies. We may look and seem healthy in our top priority parts- brain, kidneys, stomach and all, but what about our emotional health. Most times we overlook the state of our psychological health that holds the rest of the body firmly up.
The mental health of anyone particularly the new mum is important too, you know. But just like the weak base of the wall it can be overlooked and ignored until ‘that someday’ all other vital parts come crashing down.
Postpartum depression is not a situation to be overlooked, it’s a health crisis!
To which category do you belong?
1. “It’s just the baby blues, I’ll get over it. Nobody wants to hear me cry about being unable to sleep. They’ll think I’m crazy to say I don’t feel like touching my baby. I’ll just pretend it’s not happening and maybe it’ll all go away”.
Are you that mother waving off the severity of your emotional health?
2. “Get yourself together woman! You are being silly and that’s the least of my concerns right now.”
Are you that spouse or relative who has no time for mama drama?
3. “She’s like a time bomb right now, just be careful what you say around her and try not to get into her business. We have enough problems of our own”
Or are you that friend tiptoeing around the walls of her emotions, unwilling to lend a shoulder?
Whatever your category, a wall is about to fall and there’s not only an undeserving baby behind it, you are behind it too!
Like the base of that wall, a woman who is suffering psychologically (from a perinatal mood disorder) needs to have a support structure around her and such a support structure is really not that hard to find.
If you are an expecting or new mum (you fall in this class even if your third baby just turned two!!!!), or if you are family or a close friend, you can be instrumental in getting help or becoming the support needed.
How do you know a mum needs help ASAP? Check for symptoms such as:
• Loss of interest or pleasure in life
• Loss of energy and motivation to do things
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Feeling like life isn’t worth living
• Irritability, anxiety, or restlessness
• Feeling worthless and guilty
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Eating too much or too little
• Having trouble remembering, focusing, or making decisions
• Crying a lot
• Having thoughts of hurting self
• Thinking about hurting the baby
If you've noticed any of these symptoms present it shouldn’t be overlooked, find a health care provider to talk to before it gets out of hand. Like they say- A stitch in time saves nine. You could be that stitch that saves lives!!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Playing God On No Sleep
So a woman walks into a pediatrician’s office. She’s tired, she’s hot and she’s been up all night throwing sheets into the washer because the smaller of her two boys has projectile vomiting so severe it looks like a special effect from “The Exorcist.” Oh, and she’s nauseated, too, because since she already has two kids under the age of 5 it made perfect sense to have another, and she’s four months pregnant. In the doctor’s waiting room, which sounds like a cross between an orchestra tuning loudly and a 747 taking off, there is a cross-stitched sampler on the wall. It says GOD COULD NOT BE EVERYWHERE SO HE MADE MOTHERS.
THIS IS NOT A JOKE, and that is not the punch line. Or maybe it is. The woman was me, the sampler real, and the sentiments it evoked were unforgettable: incredulity, disgust and that out-of-body feeling that is the corollary of sleep deprivation and adrenaline rush, with a soupcon of shoulder barf thrown in. I kept reliving this moment, and others like it, as I read with horrified fascination the story of Andrea Yates, a onetime nurse suffering from postpartum depression who apparently spent a recent morning drowning her five children in the bathtub. There is a part of my mind that imagines the baby, her starfish hands pink beneath the water, or the biggest boy fighting back, all wiry arms and legs, and then veers sharply away, aghast, appalled.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are two very different kinds of horror here. There is the unimaginable idea of the killings. And then there is the entirely imaginable idea of going quietly bonkers in the house with five kids under the age of 7.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But there’s another part of my mind, the part that remembers the end of a day in which the milk spilled phone rang one cried another hit a fever rose the medicine gone the car sputtered another cried the cable out “Sesame Street” gone all cried stomach upset full diaper no more diapers Mommy I want water Mommy my throat hurts Mommy I don’t feel good. Every mother I’ve asked about the Yates case has the same reaction. She’s appalled; she’s aghast. And then she gets this look. And the look says that at some forbidden level she understands. The looks says that there are two very different kinds of horror here. There is the unimaginable idea of the killings. And then there is the entirely imaginable idea of going quietly bonkers in the house with five kids under the age of 7.
The insidious cult of motherhood is summed up by the psychic weight of the sampler on that doctor’s wall. We are meant to be all things to small people, surrounded by bromides and soppy verse and smiling strangers who talk about how lucky we are. And we are lucky. My children have been the making of me as a human being, which does not mean they have not sometimes been an overwhelming and mind-boggling responsibility. That last is the love that dare not speak its name, the love that is fraught with fear and fatigue and inevitable resentment. But between the women who cannot have children and sometimes stare at our double strollers grief-stricken, and the grandmothers who make raising eight or 10 sound like a snap and insist we micromanage and overanalyze, there is no leave to talk about the dark side of being a surrogate deity, omniscient and out of milk all at the same time.
The weight was not always so heavy. Once the responsibility was spread around extended families, even entire towns. The sociologist Jessie Bernard has this to say: “The way we institutionalize motherhood in our society-assigning sole responsibility for child care to the mother, cutting her off from the easy help of others in an isolated household, requiring round-the clock tender, loving care, and making such care her exclusive activity-is not only new and unique, but not even a good way for either women or-if we accept as a criterion the amount of maternal warmth shown-for children. It may, in fact, be the worst.”
It has gotten no better since those words were written 25 years ago. Worse, perhaps, with all the competing messages about what women should do and be and feel at this particular moment in time. Women not working outside their homes feel compelled to make their job inside it seem both weighty and joyful; women who work outside their homes for pay feel no freedom to be ambivalent because of the sub rosa sense that they are cutting parenting corners. All of us are caught up in a conspiracy in which we are both the conspirators and the victims of the plot. In the face of all this “M is for the million things she gave me” mythology it becomes difficult to admit that occasionally you lock yourself in the bathroom just to be alone.
The great motherhood friendships are the ones in which women can admit this quietly to one another, over cups of tea at a table sticky with spilt apple juice and littered with markers without tops. But most of the time we keep quiet and smile. So that when someone is depressed after having a baby, when everyone is telling her that it’s the happiest damn time of her life, there’s no space to admit what she’s really feeling. So that when someone does something as horrifying as what Andrea Yates did, there is no room for even a little bit of understanding. Yap yap yap, the world says. How could anyone do that to her children?
Well, yes. But. I’m imagining myself with five children under the age of 7, all alone after Dad goes off to work. And they’re bouncing off the walls in that way little boys do, except for the baby, who needs to be fed. And fed. And fed again. And changed. The milk gets spilled. The phone rings. Mommy, can I have juice? Mommy, can I have lunch? Mommy, can I go out back? Mommy, can I come in? And I add to all that depression, mental illness, whatever was happening in that house. I’m not making excuses for Andrea Yates. I love my children more than life itself.
But just because you love people doesn’t mean that taking care of them day in and day out isn’t often hard, and sometimes even horrible. If God made mothers because he couldn’t be everywhere, maybe he could have met us halfway and eradicated vomiting, and colic too, and the hideous sugarcoating of what we are and what we do that leads to false cheer, easy lies and maybe sometimes something much, much worse, almost unimaginable. But not quite.
Anna Quindlen
Newsweek
July 2 issue —
© 2001 Newsweek, Inc.
THIS IS NOT A JOKE, and that is not the punch line. Or maybe it is. The woman was me, the sampler real, and the sentiments it evoked were unforgettable: incredulity, disgust and that out-of-body feeling that is the corollary of sleep deprivation and adrenaline rush, with a soupcon of shoulder barf thrown in. I kept reliving this moment, and others like it, as I read with horrified fascination the story of Andrea Yates, a onetime nurse suffering from postpartum depression who apparently spent a recent morning drowning her five children in the bathtub. There is a part of my mind that imagines the baby, her starfish hands pink beneath the water, or the biggest boy fighting back, all wiry arms and legs, and then veers sharply away, aghast, appalled.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are two very different kinds of horror here. There is the unimaginable idea of the killings. And then there is the entirely imaginable idea of going quietly bonkers in the house with five kids under the age of 7.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But there’s another part of my mind, the part that remembers the end of a day in which the milk spilled phone rang one cried another hit a fever rose the medicine gone the car sputtered another cried the cable out “Sesame Street” gone all cried stomach upset full diaper no more diapers Mommy I want water Mommy my throat hurts Mommy I don’t feel good. Every mother I’ve asked about the Yates case has the same reaction. She’s appalled; she’s aghast. And then she gets this look. And the look says that at some forbidden level she understands. The looks says that there are two very different kinds of horror here. There is the unimaginable idea of the killings. And then there is the entirely imaginable idea of going quietly bonkers in the house with five kids under the age of 7.
The insidious cult of motherhood is summed up by the psychic weight of the sampler on that doctor’s wall. We are meant to be all things to small people, surrounded by bromides and soppy verse and smiling strangers who talk about how lucky we are. And we are lucky. My children have been the making of me as a human being, which does not mean they have not sometimes been an overwhelming and mind-boggling responsibility. That last is the love that dare not speak its name, the love that is fraught with fear and fatigue and inevitable resentment. But between the women who cannot have children and sometimes stare at our double strollers grief-stricken, and the grandmothers who make raising eight or 10 sound like a snap and insist we micromanage and overanalyze, there is no leave to talk about the dark side of being a surrogate deity, omniscient and out of milk all at the same time.
The weight was not always so heavy. Once the responsibility was spread around extended families, even entire towns. The sociologist Jessie Bernard has this to say: “The way we institutionalize motherhood in our society-assigning sole responsibility for child care to the mother, cutting her off from the easy help of others in an isolated household, requiring round-the clock tender, loving care, and making such care her exclusive activity-is not only new and unique, but not even a good way for either women or-if we accept as a criterion the amount of maternal warmth shown-for children. It may, in fact, be the worst.”
It has gotten no better since those words were written 25 years ago. Worse, perhaps, with all the competing messages about what women should do and be and feel at this particular moment in time. Women not working outside their homes feel compelled to make their job inside it seem both weighty and joyful; women who work outside their homes for pay feel no freedom to be ambivalent because of the sub rosa sense that they are cutting parenting corners. All of us are caught up in a conspiracy in which we are both the conspirators and the victims of the plot. In the face of all this “M is for the million things she gave me” mythology it becomes difficult to admit that occasionally you lock yourself in the bathroom just to be alone.
The great motherhood friendships are the ones in which women can admit this quietly to one another, over cups of tea at a table sticky with spilt apple juice and littered with markers without tops. But most of the time we keep quiet and smile. So that when someone is depressed after having a baby, when everyone is telling her that it’s the happiest damn time of her life, there’s no space to admit what she’s really feeling. So that when someone does something as horrifying as what Andrea Yates did, there is no room for even a little bit of understanding. Yap yap yap, the world says. How could anyone do that to her children?
Well, yes. But. I’m imagining myself with five children under the age of 7, all alone after Dad goes off to work. And they’re bouncing off the walls in that way little boys do, except for the baby, who needs to be fed. And fed. And fed again. And changed. The milk gets spilled. The phone rings. Mommy, can I have juice? Mommy, can I have lunch? Mommy, can I go out back? Mommy, can I come in? And I add to all that depression, mental illness, whatever was happening in that house. I’m not making excuses for Andrea Yates. I love my children more than life itself.
But just because you love people doesn’t mean that taking care of them day in and day out isn’t often hard, and sometimes even horrible. If God made mothers because he couldn’t be everywhere, maybe he could have met us halfway and eradicated vomiting, and colic too, and the hideous sugarcoating of what we are and what we do that leads to false cheer, easy lies and maybe sometimes something much, much worse, almost unimaginable. But not quite.
Anna Quindlen
Newsweek
July 2 issue —
© 2001 Newsweek, Inc.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Is Massage Necessary????
Its is important for new mothers to enjoy the birth experience. Why then would antenatal class instructors instruct new mothers to abstain from getting relief from body aches during the crutial periods of pregnancy?
I recently discussed with a customer who told me that the midwife who facilitated her antenatal classes said it was wrong(I'd assume in a sinful way) to get massages for back pain. the nurse went further to say pain is what pregnancy is all about and women should endure it and resist the temptation to ease the pain. WHAT! I beg your pardon but that is just cruel! The period of pregnancy should be filled with memories of bonding and learning. Women should not be made to anticipate suffering and forced to detatch themselves from the experience because it goes a long way to affect the fetus psychologically. By the way how many of us were victims of such cruel beliefs?
Back pain is one of the more common side effects of pregnancy. Back pain can continue throughout pregnancy and even after. If you have to carry around other small children you may find your symptoms exacerbated during pregnancy. Massage specially designed for pregnancy help relieve back pain associated with muscular tension. Here are just a few of the other benefits prenatal massage has to offer:
* Prenatal massage helps relieve edema or swelling by stimulating circulation throughout the body.
* Leg massage can help reduce leg cramps and swelling in the legs.
* Massage is very beneficial for relaxing anxiety during pregnancy.
* Massage can help promote more restful sleep and help prevent pregnancy related insomnia.
* Pregnancy massage may relax your baby, particularly if you have your abdomen gently stroked.
It is vital however that women seek the assistance of a qualified professional who offers massage during pregnancy (Flora initiative for Mothers offer this service at affordable costs by the way). Massaging the wrong areas or focusing on certain acupressure points may actually trigger uterine contractions in some women. Fortunately massage therapists trained in prenatal massage know exactly what areas to avoid and what areas to focus on to provide pregnant women the most benefits during a massage therapy session.
So what on earth is that Midwife talking about? Please share your thoughts
I recently discussed with a customer who told me that the midwife who facilitated her antenatal classes said it was wrong(I'd assume in a sinful way) to get massages for back pain. the nurse went further to say pain is what pregnancy is all about and women should endure it and resist the temptation to ease the pain. WHAT! I beg your pardon but that is just cruel! The period of pregnancy should be filled with memories of bonding and learning. Women should not be made to anticipate suffering and forced to detatch themselves from the experience because it goes a long way to affect the fetus psychologically. By the way how many of us were victims of such cruel beliefs?
Back pain is one of the more common side effects of pregnancy. Back pain can continue throughout pregnancy and even after. If you have to carry around other small children you may find your symptoms exacerbated during pregnancy. Massage specially designed for pregnancy help relieve back pain associated with muscular tension. Here are just a few of the other benefits prenatal massage has to offer:
* Prenatal massage helps relieve edema or swelling by stimulating circulation throughout the body.
* Leg massage can help reduce leg cramps and swelling in the legs.
* Massage is very beneficial for relaxing anxiety during pregnancy.
* Massage can help promote more restful sleep and help prevent pregnancy related insomnia.
* Pregnancy massage may relax your baby, particularly if you have your abdomen gently stroked.
It is vital however that women seek the assistance of a qualified professional who offers massage during pregnancy (Flora initiative for Mothers offer this service at affordable costs by the way). Massaging the wrong areas or focusing on certain acupressure points may actually trigger uterine contractions in some women. Fortunately massage therapists trained in prenatal massage know exactly what areas to avoid and what areas to focus on to provide pregnant women the most benefits during a massage therapy session.
So what on earth is that Midwife talking about? Please share your thoughts
Monday, September 7, 2009
Perinatal Mood Disorders and The Nigerian Woman
Years ago issues related to Depression was overlooked by most Nigerians. Today, as we gravitate towards the life style of the 21st century, we are beginning to gain better understanding and feel the impact of depression in our society. It is no longer an issue to be overlooked especially when it affects the childbearing woman. It is estimated that approximately 10-15% of women perinatal experience depression, which can cause severe psychological distress for the woman as well as disturbances in infant development and family progress.
Perinatal mood disorders (PMD's) may occur mildly in form of the 'Baby Blues' which occurs during the first few weeks after delivery. Between 50-85% of women experience some form of the “baby blues”. In contrast to depression, women who experience the blues report feeling mood swings, irritability, anxiety and weepy. This may begin anywhere from 4-5 days post delivery and may last for a few hours or days, most symptoms subside on their own within a 2 week period. Women experience symptoms. While no specific form of treatment is necessary, sometimes the blues can lead to a more significant mood disorder.
Postpartum Depression which is not as mild as the Baby blues and not as severe as pospartum psychosis usually goes undiagnosed and untreated. It usually may occur between delivery date and one year postpartum. Women in this condition may experience:
• Feeling irritable, moody, overwhelmed, sad or hopeless
• Frequent bouts of crying
• Lack of energy or motivation
• Appetite Fluctuations
• Sleep disturbances or changes in sleeping pattern
• Have trouble maintaining focus or being indecisive
• Difficulty remembering things
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Loss of interest or joy in normal activities
• Withdrawn and somber
• Having frequent headaches, body aches and pains or stomach pain that will not subside
While postpartum depression occurs in women who have recently delivered a baby, it is important to note that women who experience a miscarriage or stillbirth, can also go through postpartum depression.
Finally Postpartum Psychosis may occur in extreme cases. About 2% of women fall victim of this condition.Symptoms include:
• Rapid, manic episodes
• Rapid heartbeat
• Weight loss
• Irritability
• Confusion
• Disorientation
• Insomnia
• Restlessness
• Rapid shift in moods (going from highs to extreme lows)
• Erratic and scattered behavior
• Delusions
• Auditory Hallucinations that drive the mother to harm the infant, are also possible.
• Risk of suicide or infanticide
Other kinds of PMD's include: Postpartum Panic Disorder, Prenatal Anxiety, Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Postpartum Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
If you think you or a loved one may have PMD's:
• Talk about your feelings with people
you trust
• Tell your doctor
• Ask family and friends to help care for
the baby
• Eat a healthy diet
• Exercise for more energy
• Join a PPD support group
• Seek treatment if feelings of unhappiness
last longer than two weeks
• Call +2348098346461 to find treatment
services near your home
• Visit www.postpartum.net
Unfortunately statistics of suffering women in Nigeria are unavailable, therefore how and where to find and help such women remains unclear. If you do have any info about what obtains in Nigeria do update me
Ugbaja Pamela
FIM Coordinator
+2348037012457
Perinatal mood disorders (PMD's) may occur mildly in form of the 'Baby Blues' which occurs during the first few weeks after delivery. Between 50-85% of women experience some form of the “baby blues”. In contrast to depression, women who experience the blues report feeling mood swings, irritability, anxiety and weepy. This may begin anywhere from 4-5 days post delivery and may last for a few hours or days, most symptoms subside on their own within a 2 week period. Women experience symptoms. While no specific form of treatment is necessary, sometimes the blues can lead to a more significant mood disorder.
Postpartum Depression which is not as mild as the Baby blues and not as severe as pospartum psychosis usually goes undiagnosed and untreated. It usually may occur between delivery date and one year postpartum. Women in this condition may experience:
• Feeling irritable, moody, overwhelmed, sad or hopeless
• Frequent bouts of crying
• Lack of energy or motivation
• Appetite Fluctuations
• Sleep disturbances or changes in sleeping pattern
• Have trouble maintaining focus or being indecisive
• Difficulty remembering things
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Loss of interest or joy in normal activities
• Withdrawn and somber
• Having frequent headaches, body aches and pains or stomach pain that will not subside
While postpartum depression occurs in women who have recently delivered a baby, it is important to note that women who experience a miscarriage or stillbirth, can also go through postpartum depression.
Finally Postpartum Psychosis may occur in extreme cases. About 2% of women fall victim of this condition.Symptoms include:
• Rapid, manic episodes
• Rapid heartbeat
• Weight loss
• Irritability
• Confusion
• Disorientation
• Insomnia
• Restlessness
• Rapid shift in moods (going from highs to extreme lows)
• Erratic and scattered behavior
• Delusions
• Auditory Hallucinations that drive the mother to harm the infant, are also possible.
• Risk of suicide or infanticide
Other kinds of PMD's include: Postpartum Panic Disorder, Prenatal Anxiety, Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Postpartum Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
If you think you or a loved one may have PMD's:
• Talk about your feelings with people
you trust
• Tell your doctor
• Ask family and friends to help care for
the baby
• Eat a healthy diet
• Exercise for more energy
• Join a PPD support group
• Seek treatment if feelings of unhappiness
last longer than two weeks
• Call +2348098346461 to find treatment
services near your home
• Visit www.postpartum.net
Unfortunately statistics of suffering women in Nigeria are unavailable, therefore how and where to find and help such women remains unclear. If you do have any info about what obtains in Nigeria do update me
Ugbaja Pamela
FIM Coordinator
+2348037012457
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